I just got off the phone with Jim.
“Get Hunter’s bedroom ready, we’re going to have an overnight guest tonight.” He informs.
My initial reaction to this (although I don’t say anything) is “Ugh, I don’t have time for this. I’ve got eight meatloaves to make for his Spring hunting camp this weekend. I’m heading to Pennsylvania tomorrow for an overnight speaking engagement. Now this.”
Needless to say my attitude stinks–I know this. And I admit, I wish my heart’s response was more Christ-like. But it wasn’t. Regardless, that’s not what this is about.
I want to talk about Hunter’s room, and running…
We have a room in our new home decorated exactly how Hunter’s room looked in our previous home. You can see from the picture that he had a very boyish, rustic Noah’s ark theme. Because God keeps His promises—and I need to remember this, often.
So I’m down in Hunter’s room pulling the sheets off the bed, organizing the room, noticing the dust everywhere and the emptiness of a room void of life…
…and everything else Hunter but memories.
All I want to do is stop and cry but my body and mind tell me to run…
And keep running.
Get that bed made and get out of that room.
I want to stop running.
I feel like I’ve been running since the day he took his last breath, since that beautiful summer day in 2005…
I’ve been running.
I turn the radio station when…
Those songs come on.
I don’t watch the videos or…look at certain pictures.
I don’t let my heart and mind go there for too long…
Because, well I can’t…or
Maybe I’m afraid.
I’m tired of running!
Actually, I’m just tired period.
And so today…
Well, today is the day.
I’m marking it on the calendar of my heart.
I’m not going to run anymore.
I’m going to sit in that room and cry, for as long as I want to…
For as long as He wants me to.
I’m going to listen to those songs…
Every single one of them.
I’m going to watch all the old videos.
I’m going to pull out all the pictures and get them scrapbook ready.
I’m going to stop.
And I know that when I do, He’ll carry me—like He did yesterday…
Like He did since my very first breath…
Like He will until I see Him face to face…
UNTIL I SEE HUNTER AGAIN.
BECAUSE HE PROMISED!
I imagine that you might be running too—for too long. And maybe you’ll consider for this moment that it’s time for you to stop too. Right where you are in this journey!
Will you stop?
Will you let Him into all that you’re running from? Will you let Him carry you and cover you with grace? Will you let Him be for you all that He has promised?
Can we do this together?
No matter what it costs in time and tears, will you stop running?